The trick to support others while still keeping some of yourself to yourself is: setting healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries are really about the relationship you cultivate with yourself as you honour your needs, goals and values.
Break the cycle of people-pleasing by setting healthy boundaries
If you’re a people-pleaser and tend to see to others needs before your own then setting boundaries can feel like a selfish act but let’s break that cycle today.
Healthy boundaries may sound like:
I’m okay with texting, but not multiples times an hour
I’m okay with coming out but till a certain time
I need time to myself
No thanks, but I am not comfortable with doing that
I’m comfortable with just holding hands today
Tips for setting healthy boundaries
Healthy boundaries helps you build better and authentic relationships as you take care of your well-being. These tips below are some easy prompts to get started on your healthy journey with yourself and others.
Tune into your body to recognize your boundaries
Our bodies have a way of signalling to us when we are close to a limit. So slow down, tune into your body and notice any clenching of the jaw, tight and high shoulders etc. Use these cues to listen to your needs and explore why you need to set that particular boundary.
Practice politely saying no
It’s normal to feel like you need to explain your no’s but get into the habit of honestly just saying no. Tinybuddha.com notes giving an excuse or falsifying your reasoning can ultimately leave you feeling guilty or out of alignment with your inner self. This might take some time to get used to so start small by saying no to someone who wants to offer you a drink at the bar for instance.
Respect other people’s boundaries
Another way to grasp and understand the significance of boundary setting is by expressing gratitude for others boundaries. People often set boundaries to protect their well-being and not to be dismissive or distant. Once you understand this it is easier to respect others boundaries – and then build trustworthy relationships from there onward.
Key reminders
Communication is key with boundary setting. Your loved ones will not know how you’d like to be treated unless you openly tell them.
Boundaries can change. Our boundaries can shift with different people and where we are at in our lives. Check-in with yourself to make sure your boundaries feels good and right for what you need at that time.
Create consequences. If there are people in your life continuously overstepping your boundaries choose the consequence. Will you take a break from the relationship? Whatever you decide, stick to it. Ask a friend or therapist for help if this seems difficult to do alone.