Communication exercises for couples are not only necessary when the relationship is going through a rough patch, they are there to help you learn your partner better and continue loving them correctly.
We usually hear “communication is key” as the ultimate advice for a healthy relationship and if you think about it, it is where it all starts, communicating is what gets you the phone number, the date, and eventually the relationship.
Sarah Rice, an Associate Marriage & Family Therapist as well as host of the Brain Candy Podcast, says the most effective way of communicating to your partner is removing “you” during the conflict.
Rice says, “When feelings are hurt, and we feel the need to defend ourselves or our emotions, it is not uncommon to fall into unhealthy communication habits of one using ‘you’ statements such as ‘you always do this!’ or ‘you don’t even care’. These kinds of blaming and critical comments add more fuel to the situation and make the receiver feel the same way about the sender.”
Therefore, using “I” to express your feelings gives you ownership of your own emotions which will give your partner the opportunity to introspect and find ways to improve.
Five communication exercises for couples
Here are five communication exercises for couples that will give you an idea of how you can identify and abolish any negative patterns.
High-low
High-low is an easy and straightforward exercise. All you and your partner have to do is tell each other the best (high) and worst (low) parts of the day. According to Better Help, this is a way of building companionship and intimacy with your partner. It allows you to find comfort and opens channels of honesty and vulnerability.
Active and reflective listening
This is an exercise that allows for one person to share a thought, or a desire while the other listens carefully and internationally to understand their partner.
Couples therapist Rachel Elder, says she lets her clients start with three simple things they would want more of in the relationship, this can be more date nights or more cuddle time. Each person is then given a chance to be the reflective listener which helps acknowledge and understand one another.
Oreo approach
This is an exercise that can be used to practice using ‘I’ when addressing a concern. It helps you give constructive criticism without undermining the person and helps you to present the issue in a way that will give the best outcome.
Dr Fran Walfish, Psy.D, author, and parenting expert, recommends layering any complaints between two positive statements.
For example, if you want to address your partner’s spending habits you can say “I love how fashionable you dress and how beautiful you always look. I’m just a bit concerned about how these clothes purchases are affecting our budget. I know you care about our finances, so I’m hoping we can discuss this topic.” This opens up the conversation in a calm way that does not leave anyone feeling insulted.
Money date night
Finances are one of the biggest parts of a relationship. Money, in general, has been made to be something secretive in society, so speaking about it will not naturally feel comfortable for most people.
Certified Coach Lindsey Lathrop-Ryan says the fundamental thing to remember when speaking about finances is “to always think about the life you want to design together”.
Lathrop-Ryan says to create a healthy finance discussion one of the exercises she has couples do is to create an annual money date night calendar to help guide monthly conversations about money.
I feel loved by you
In any environment feeling appreciated and valued is important. A survey from the American Psychological Association found that feeling at work valued had benefits of better physical and mental health, as well as higher levels of engagement, satisfaction and motivation.
In a relationship setting Tina B. Tessina, PhD psychotherapist and author of Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences, recommends this simple exercise;
Sit together and have a dialogue: Partner A says, I feel loved by you when.. (Complete the sentence.)
Partner B says, Thank you. Then Partner B says, I feel loved by you when. .(Complete the sentence.)
Partner A says, Thank you.
Tessina suggests doing this for 10-15 minutes and then reflecting on what was learned. In the day to day life, you can show your partner gratitude by writing a love letter, bragging about them in public, or doing a chore you know they hate.